I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't put those talents on a resume
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize