So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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