yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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