11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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