i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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