I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
