Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize