therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
