Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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