paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
