I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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