I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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