and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
