I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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