and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
