the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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