This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need a beard to bite.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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