I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
