i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
