Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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