i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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