all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sarcasm needs its own font
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
