i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
