my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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