At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
