Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
