also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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