Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
