I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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