you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
