When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
