didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm both gender and math confused
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
