My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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