He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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