genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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