Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
