i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
