I got chris browned last night
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
