I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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