I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize