i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
