HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
