I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
