I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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