i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
