I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
