I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
