There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
