He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
