pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
