just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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