So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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