I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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