Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Farmville is her only friend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize