My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
