he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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