I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
