Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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