The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
