i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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