Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My life is pants optional.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
