I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
