I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
