oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
