A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
