She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
