btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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