I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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