I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
