He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize