dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
