i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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