so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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