Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
