i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
