Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
