it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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