i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
