Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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