Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
