Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His nipple licking is glorious
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